Meet the Team

I have a long history of advocacy on hot-button issues at the intersection of geocratic universalism and unicellular rights. I got my start in the Proterozoic Era fighting for the rights of amoeba to be recognized as pedestrians.

I know a lot of our younger members don't remember the Precambrian days (and I realize I'm dating myself here!) but back in those days, multicellular organisms were extremely clique-ish and a lot of them were adamant in their belief that protuberances of the cytoplasm attaching the membrane to a substrate did not qualify as “feet.”

I helped organize the first Billion Amoeba March and achieved the first Phyla-wide recognition of pseudopodia as a legitimate mode of pedestrian movement and with it, all attendant rights-of-way for all protozoa! Since then, most of my advocacy has focused on coalition-building across the eukaryote-prokaryote divide.

It's personal for me. My grandmother was one of those hard-assed anaerobic gut parasites – I think we all know the type – and she was fond of saying, “The purpose of life is to accelerate entropy, so if you're not breaking down barriers, you are the barrier!” I try to live that wisdom every day.

(Milky wrote the following before he read his colleague's stories written in the first person. He was too busy to revise any of it to the first person, including this sentence.)

Born in East Berlin, Germany, in the colon of a psychotherapist living in the cold-water flat in the shadow of the Berlin Wall, Milky lacked the pedigree of most of his clitellata peers at the London School of Micronomics. The pettiness of the taxonomic disputes between pro- and anti-Oligochaeta factions in the academic community inspired Milky to think bigger, and this inspiration bore fruit over a decade later when Milky co-founded the Institute for Macroecology at University of Cambridge, England, where he has left his many-segmented imprint in virtually every scholarly and practical innovation in trans-ecological research and finance over the past half-century. Known affectionately to generations of students as, “The Decomposer,” he lives by one mantra above all others: “Follow the adenosine triphosphate.”

Balance is at the root of all healthy ecologies. This scientific truth, more than any ideological or political commitment, motivated Milky to develop the first-ever ground-up, trans-phyla energy deal in the history of interspecies legislation. It is only fitting that its champion should be the first (and only) candidate who can see the benefits from every angle: Vermont for Senate!